I don’t know why I always do it.

Here I go. Fucking things up again. Me putting you down, always upsetting and disappointing you, letting those tears run down your cheeks, making you feel like I don’t have a care in the world about you, and the lack of effort I am giving to you. I don’t know why I’m always treating you like this. You don’t deserve any bit of it; you deserve so much more. This behavior of mine is just giving you the wrong signals. I know that you feel as if I don’t care about you, that you’re not worth fighting for, that I always want to make you unhappy, that I’m not serious about you, that I don’t pay attention to you, that I want to leave you, and that everything is your fault. All of that is not true. I fucking hate how I add on more stress on you. I really fucking hate it. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. But I want you to know that I want to be better. I’m tired of treating you like dirt, and I know you do, too. I’ll try to stop. I will stop. I don’t want to treat you like that anymore. I know that it may seem like I don’t care, but I really do. I want to be there for you. I want to cheer you up when you’re feeling down. I want you to be happy.

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